The Internal War 

Once, I joined the army, 

My weapon of metal spears, 

Was the one that hurt me most, 

And reduced my skin to tears. 

Winter was approaching camp, 

Brutal weather near, 

I watched as icicles grew in snow,

Their cold perfection clear. 

The harsh winter long since passed,

But icicles have stayed, 

Refusing to leave their ground,

My love for them has frayed. 

But there will always be a reminder, 

Of the days long since passed, 

There are cold lines everywhere,

Trying themselves to last. 

A Messy Mind

My mind is getting full, 

The drawers are spilling over,

The rooms are very crowded, 

The doors are hanging open. 

The chests won't close,

The windows won't lock,

I can't find the keys

To my sanity stock. 

My memories are lost. 

My secretes sneaking out, 

My conscious is hiding, 

My logic is under doubt.

My mind is a mess, 

My god it's becoming filled! 

With other people's trash and junk;

I swear this has me killed.

Panic 

My heart's wings flutter. 

Only, too quickly. 

Almost about to take flight;

Leaving my chest entirely. 

The wind in my lungs

Blows hurricanes. 

They dance and twist themselves, 

Filling all the space. 

The tightness of my chest

Screams to relex,

But the hurricanes dance faster, 

My heart flutters harder. 

My mind is empty and bleak. 

The storms have caused evacuation

Of all my thoughts. 

I am left a wreck. 

As I Grew Up

When I was 13, 

I could see sadness

In my eyes.

A trait I learnt to recognise

In others. 

By the age of 14, 

I could tell

A real smile

From a fake one, 

Even when a mile away. 

At age 15,

I understood 

The words people didn't say, 

The words they avoided, 

And the words that weren't true. 

In my 16th year, 

I knew why girls

Would hide in toilets,

Or would wear long sleeves,

Or skipped school. 

Moving to 17, 

I knew darkness.

I could spot it in everything. 

I was dubbed as wise

For recognising

The true extent

Of human emotion. 

At 18 years old

I see everything that people hide. 

I learnt to be cautious

When I should have learnt

How to enjoy life,

Instead of double guessing everything. 

Simplicity was stolen. 

Complexity and meaning

Is what I search for, 

Even when

It's not there. 

© 2019 Charlotte Dormoy